Confessions of an American Witch

While I like to pretend that I am a good guy, a Star Trek type of guy, I am not. A work in progress--nice disguise, right? In reality, if you talk to anyone who knows me, Billie Bones, the Great Gherkin, Catherine Mock, Amy Harper, you know, the people that have banned me under Safe and Sober, he's harming both adults and children, showing up falling down drunk, never once contributed to the community . . . nice, got a screenshot of that Facebook libel and slander . . . I am a dirty Sith, as was my mentor, Maggie Moonstone; and we fought an Open War to destroy their groups, the only communities that should have any say in the future in occultism and paganism. We, Maggie and me, unfairly targeted them with our criticism.  After all, these Holy Leaders can do whatever they want, Do Wilt They Wilt to their communities without informing their membership, including banning spiritual teachers for not kissing their ass well enough at an OFM (Open Full Moon), and cite safety.  The Saf...

Recently, during the library reorganization (making room for an occult shop), I found a list of Aphorisms for Wiccans that I printed out. I now inflict it on you (source unknown): Sadly, not going to grow up to be pagan; no, angry Christian (OFM [Open Full Moon] personal experience--sorry). Truth: For a lot of us, life sucks, then you die. For Wiccans, life sucks; but it doesn't suck as much, because thanks to reincarnation, you get to die in at least thirteen times.  News flash: Pagan gatherings would be more restrained, if participants thought they'd ever would have to work again in the real world.  Influence: A Witch's Power is directly proportional to the number of other witches who hate her. A Witch's Intent is inversely proportional to the number of other witches who like her. Being social and magically math-able are not mutually agreeable goals.  Honesty: Black magick is any witchcraft that works for you--but not for me. Confession: Sex is for Wiccans, what canni...

Science fiction fans like to talk about how Star Wars changed their lives.  For me, it was Ghostbusters. The Original. It was my first year of freedom away from evil Mother Lilith, and explained my entire world . . . including the fact that my dead dad was my roommate.  Problem was in my movie, my Ghostbusters, it was Denver that got nuked. And I was the Containment Unit that went critical. You see, by 1984, I already hosted a murder victim, my own aunt. As well as several other ghosts. And then there is Wolfgang--what the fuck is he? Let's just call him, a Demon. Moving on, today, I live with a Ghost Wife. Walnut Hill Alchemy might be owned by ghosts. Long story short: For the newer readers, and the More Beloved Sister who once asked "What happened to my sweet innocent Brother?" Here is maybe an answer, or not. My Theosophic Confederate Nazi spirit medium grandparents, one summer, in that "abandoned tree garden," exposed me to a Demon. Nice people, the Ramses. ...

 Upfront, the only person who hates me being right, more than me, is Khari. How much do you think this hovel is worth? Recently, I told my wife that our investor neighbor, Mike, getting ready to unload his property. I had done math. So had my dead father. New roof . . . new deck . . . hmmm . . . and he likes to rent to people . . . no, I think that he is going to sell. And it's all our fault, for getting our damn roof fixed. Now, not only us; but the poor black family, and this investor dude.  So do you want to live next to a defrocked Wiccan priest with anger management issues? I have no idea how much he is going to ask for it.  But I bet that no matter that no mention of an unregulated occult shop and pagan church will be mentioned in the listing. Oh, if there is even a listing--because it's an investor's dream. I have never seen a For Sale sign on this place. The only way that I would be able to buy it is if I had Mad Cash right now. Let me explain.  It has a sub-...

 Spent the day in the studio, watching Khari glaze pottery, listening to music. Much work was done. Much work was not done.  The lazy slacker. Gods and goddesses try not to judge.  There are darker forces to judge mortals by . . . cue Judge Edgar. Because hanging out with Khari is better than me haunting the streets looking for Billy Bones, the Little Drummer Boy--or getting involved with Judge Edgar's Day C business. That looks like someone beat a prisoner--badly--hard--with wood. Judge Edgar has prisoners to be judged as Unworthy to be Leaders. Beware Day C--it comes soon for Judge Edgar. As Khari held her big event, the Star Chamber led by Edgar, might have threaten to beat Pirate Traitor Donald Judas Trumpet to death before wishing him long life in prison with the best health care that the United States could provide. "With no beatings, complete security, 24/7/365 video feed like a zoo." Got to hand it to Chief Justice Edgar, he has an imagination when it comes to dea...

"Why did you join the Imperial Fleet?" It's a rude question; it will get you punched in the face. "Shut his power-suit off! Shut it off! Shield recruit! Shield!" No one in my science fiction has anger management issues. No one. That nameless no one, being Homer Milton Dante. I hated the name that my mother, Lilith, insisted I called myself by, Emil, because she refused to let my father have the honor of having a Michael James the Third, like she originally promised, the Satanic bitch that she was.  I should not talk bad about my "always was a Christian" mother . . . yet at someplace, you have to question her unseen to quote the Gardnerian Book of Shadows, which I inherited. From her, and my aunt. My exposure to my aunt was astral, so it had to be Mom. Yeah.  My military slavery date was thirteen slash eighteen of October 1983, because the army recruiter was available only certain days. On the thirteen, a Friday that year, I seem to remember, I did a di...

Being an experienced Lifestyle Journalist, I know that some of my readers have asked the question: "Won't your Secret Mormon Wife and Daughter object to you blogging about them?" Get comfortable. Strap in for Flashback City. Because of Invisible Wedding Ring. I want you to imagine that there was a time in my life before I was blogging.  The Herald of the Loco Gyro's end was a busted nose redhead.  Redhead had jumped up on my counter, sitting on it, ordering an onion ring. In hindsight, it must have been all she could have afford; she hadn't gotten a drink. Finishing her "meal," Redhead asked me, if I was hiring--I let her fill out an application.  While waiting for her onion rings to cook, Redhead had announced to me that she was Model Material.  I had done her the courtesy of not correctly immediately was strange. Her nose was not Model Material, unless you are getting Before and After photos done. I was guessing baseball bat; but rough upbringing, neig...

Given that being Kid Friendly is one of the Landmarks of Walnut Hill Pagan (Wicca) Community Church, perhaps you might want to know why we insist on that policy. Especially given that I was deflocked by Banefire "the Open Full Moon Friday People" for violating community safety standards. They had to create a Safe and Sober anti-marijuana policy to bar me from the Spiritual Centre which they hold their events . . . because Lady Catherine felt unsafe.  Or was it merely the fact that I started to criticize them exactly the same way that my mentor, Maggie Moonstone did? Anyways, for Safe and Sober" scared to crowd, it should be noted that I am a medical marijuana patient. For my back and migraines.  Update: It is not "Safe and Sober" on Capital Hill any more. It's "Do not show up, if you're inebriated." Huh? What?  What the hell has happened at Open Full Moon Fridays since they shoved me out of that burning dumpster fire? Outside of the fact that ...