Why my wife is polyamourous and I am not (Let us discuss my dissociative disorder)

Occasionally, my wife will say that we are polyamourous. Correction: Khari is poly; I am not. She is free to date whoever she wants to. I, on the other hand, am a Hermit.

This is not the first Wicca/Thelemic relationship that I have been in that had this unequal standard, and it's mainly about the fact that I am a really broken person, emotional that is.

Due to the child abuse that I suffered (thanks Mom), I was showing signs of suffering dissociative disorder as early as kindergarten. Yeah, I have never been fully able to connect emotionally with another human being. So all of my relationships, from friendships on up, have suffered from my inability to be fully in the moment with another person. Which everyone can detect. And it makes all my partners upset.

My solution has always been to allow my partners to have that "full emotion connection" with someone else. It's unfair to them to not to give them that option. Especially if they are Wicca, or Thelemic. Call me "tolerant." It not that I don't want such a connection; it's that it's impossible for me to have it myself. Why punish them for my mental handicap? 

As for myself, there is really no point in me trying to have a second relationship because quite honestly, I suffer a basic distrust of every human being that I have ever encountered. I assume that you are lying to me, especially if you say that you care about me. This is what happens when your family shows its love by threatening you with lawsuits right and left for having an IQ above the retard level, or any visible success.  

Quite simply, I can't be fully in the moment with another human being. I am weighing every word you say in a scale, looking for lies, and trying to figure out your con game. 

So if you find yourself attracted to Khari, feel free to express yourself.

On the other hand, if you find me sexy . . . what the hell is wrong with you?!?

Location: 2727 Cook St, Denver, CO 80205, USA

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Past Hierophant of Golden Dawn at last (Why I may never be allowed to return to the Hermetic branch)

Given how much of my former life was consumed by the Golden Dawn, especially the Hermetic and Rosicrucian Knighthood branches, my planned silence on this blog might need to be explained; just in case, I still have any friends in those exalted halls. Doubtful. First, there is the little fun fact that I have been convicted of black magick three times. Yeah, three times. By people who are not of my religion. By Christians, Freemasons, and members of Golden Dawn Orders other than the one I swore my Oath to. Yeah, three times, I have been convicted. For things that are ethical, legal, and standard practice in Wicca and witchcraft. Oh, these people claim to respect the beliefs of others. Sin, I did. Second, I was tired of not being able to hit people with a frying pan for correcting me.  Especially when those individuals had never even brought a Golden Dawn book in their entire life, truly read one, took a class, or successfully cast a Lesser Ritual yet. I had been born into magick and w...
Read more

Justice spell for America (Yule gift from a Golden Dawn pirate)

 It's a great day in America. Yule 2024. Did you miss me? Of course not. Bitches, you are.  Got you presents. Oh, you care about that. Too bad, the presents are worst than socks. And as my dead mother would say, "You deserve no better." You are on fire, America. Or at least, smouldering. Nice toxic smoke going on, about to go ablaze. And you voted for it. As Mom used to say, "Christmas shaming time!" But your shame is nothing compared to mine. Since this is my blog, I have to win, so here is my shameful "I must be kicked out of the family" confession for those of you who missed the last two decades of my life. Ready? Because I wasn't ready for any of this nonsense. And I left blogging. Yeah, dumb. I was laid off from Loco Gyro, so Sister Gart could convert that food court into an exercise center which she thought would make more money for the sporting goods family. Given that a decade of restaurant management left me disgruntled, I chose to leave t...
Read more